Mummy Milli

What I wish I had known when my little one was first born 

When I got pregnant I, of course, was excited for the cuddles, the finger holding and the start of them smiling. I also knew babies often don’t sleep for longer stretches until about 4 – 5 months, that breastfeeding can be painful and that babies cry a lot! However I was only imagining the more common experiences and it was hard to imagine the unusual ones.

Why would you? Why stress about the uncommon or rare experiences, they probably won’t happen. Unfortunately for us, they did happen. We had a 5 week premature baby who was in hospital for their first week of life, when I was discharged at only 2 days. Monkey then went on to need a hernia operation at only three weeks old and on top of that, also had colic.

While we hadn’t prepared for these things, we now had to deal with them. Below are the top four things that helped me and Hubby, get through those early months, particularly with the colic.

Lean on your community when you can

I know that a lot of people aren’t as lucky as we are, we live in the same city as both sets of grandparents and extended families. I tried to set up my partners mum to come over once every two weeks for a few hours and my mum came once every week for most of a day, this scheduling meant I knew when I could go shopping, what days I could nap etc.

This was also during Covid, when our state had just opened up to other states and allowed more international travellers so I wasn’t taking our premature baby anywhere other than outdoor settings or immediate family homes. That made these scheduled times invaluable, as I did anything I needed to outside the house during these times.

Just knowing I was going to get help was really important mentally. My partner is very hands on but of course had to work was away for 10 hours a day 5 days a week, after he spent the first month with us.

Reach out to your extended community and ask if anyone has had a similar experience. They may be able to link you up to good contacts and have practical information that not many other parents have.

If you’re interested in my All Time Favourite Parenting Hack, check out my other post.

Get a yoga ball

This was one I was tipped off to by one of the only two mums I know that have been through something similar, and I know a lot of mums. That either shows you how different our experiences were or how little people talk about the really hard times. Probably a mix of both but either way this wonderful woman knew what she was talking about and it worked for us too.

Holding your baby tight and bouncing up and down on the yoga ball would often calm down our Monkey. Sometimes, apart from breastfeeding this was only way to help calm Monkey down, and was often the only way people other than I could help him. The yoga ball would come with us wherever we went overnight, sometimes even if we knew we would be at a family members for most of a day.

We would occasionally do weekends away, so that we could feel like ourselves a little bit (we have always been avid travellers) thankfully we have a big car that would be able to fit, bassinet, play mat, all the clothes and nappies we could need plus a fully inflated yoga ball.

This awesome woman that suggested the yoga ball also said that for her little one, running up and down a hallway while holding her worked really well. Our house didn’t really support this, but thankfully the motion of the yoga ball was enough for us.

Get a rote but kind response ready for well meaning people 

There are lots of well meaning people out there that have information that worked with their child and just want to help you in any way possible (although they don’t seem up to offer to stay awake the night and settle Monkey for us). Especially if you were like us where we wouldn’t pretend that everything was fine. I think it was pretty obvious, particularly with sleep how hard a time we were having.

Sleep in particular, seems to be an area a lot of people have something to say. ranging from the kind ‘that sound really hard’ to the infuriating, particularly when no help has been asked “have you tried just letting them cry?”. In my sleep deprived state all I would want to do is shout “don’t you think we have tried everything we can think of?” or let me lecture you for ten minutes on why the cry it out method in general doesn’t work and in particular doesn’t work on Monkey. Or a snarky “why would I try that? I love being awake all night!” so an easy to remember, simple response worked well for me and I got to keep the relationships I have.

“Thankyou for your advice” is a nice simple one that’s kind but also shuts down conversations fairly well. Particularly when said with just a touch of attitude, people often get the hint.

Tag team with your partner

Talk to your partner about what works for you as a new family. My partner was better waking up at 4 and staying up before work so he would often take that shift, it was particularly hard as our little one was an on demand feeder and wow did he demand a lot, sometimes 12 times a day, which also meant many feeds throughout the night.

While it feels good to have the support of your partner physically awake and with you through the night, it is truly better to have some sleep, obviously poosplosions or anything that needs two people – wake them up- don’t martyr yourself. Swap out who sleeps and who wakes up each time or block out chunks of sleeping time for each adult.

One option that worked for a friend of mine who was bottle feeding and was able to stay at home for the first year and her partner worked, was for her to take most nights but he would take every Friday night, so she could get at least one nights uninterrupted sleep.

What did you wish you had known when your baby was born, colicy or not?