Mummy Milli

With this second pregnancy pain has started developing in my lower back and so Monkey has had to get used to me not being as available to him as I have been in the past. In preparation for the new baby along with the pains I currently have, we have been focusing on hand holding as opposed to him getting picked up whenever he wants and I am able. 

When I am sitting down he has been still able to clamber all over me. Yesterday however my back pain was worse than it has been, so much so it brought me to tears when he tried to climb onto my back even when I was sitting down so I lifted him off of me and quite forcefully said Stop!

He went quiet for a while and I couldn’t stop crying, I’m sure the pregnancy hormones had a part to play in this but we also don’t try to hide tears in our house. Monkey needs to understand that both positive and ‘negative’ emotions are acceptable. We also learnt early,  in our household, that modelling is one of the best ways for children to learn. 

After a short while of this he looks up at me and asks “Mum, can I hug you?”. We have talked about different ways to help someone feel better and his favorite way is generally a hug, but what really got to me was the question “can I?”. 

We parent with the long term in mind, where often we can model and discuss respectful behaviors for months before they also become Monkey’s norm. We have been modeling body autonomy and asking these kind of questions since birth but I always figured that this was something that wouldn’t click until Monkey got a bit older. 

It was such a parenting boost to see just how much of it he seems to understand so young. Once again I am surprised, but also not surprised by how smart and cluey toddlers and young people are. 

He doubled down on this just the next day when he climbed into our bed in the morning. He wanted Dad to get up and make breakfast with him but I was explaining that Dad might be a little sick and fighting a virus so we should let him sleep. Monkey’s first question was “Dad are you okay?” followed quickly by “Dad, can I hug you?”

Again he used ‘can I’ and he waited for the response before hugging. This doubling up of the action really shows me he is understanding the boundaries and respect for body autonomy. 

Often with parenting we don’t know what the actions we have will result in. So it is really nice to notice these little wins, where the messages are not only being understood but shown back to you. 

Hubby and I were discussing this recently and that when Hubby was younger he felt he had no autonomy to say no when his cheeks were pinched or that he had to hug all his relatives goodbye, even the ones he only saw once a year and were basically strangers. He wants to make sure that Monkey understands he gets a say in if and how he is touched as this was lacking in his childhood. 

To help with the big family events we often use the phrase “we need to acknowledge the goodbye/hello, how would you like to do that?” as a way of encouraging Monkey to make a decision on what he is comfortable with and also be polite in acknowledging the other person. 

What are the ways you have encouraged body autonomy with your little ones?