Mummy Milli

How we differentiate and allow Monkey to be free with his creativity. 

From a very early age we have wanted Monkey to be able to use tools and use them safely, for example we bought him a child safe, but metal, knife very early on. We explained to him that it was a tool and not a toy so there is a specific way of using it safely. If he doesn’t want to use it in a safe way then we will have to remove it and try again later. This simple explanation gave clear boundaries around our expectations of the knife and he has been very good about using it safely ever since. We also don’t change that boundary and if he is silly with it we remove it, he may have a small melt down but we weather that and move on, then we try again next time. 

What we didn’t realise from this differentiation of toys vs tools, so early on, is that it actually frees Monkey up to know that he can use his toys in any way. There is lots of space for creativity and trying new ways of playing with the same toys. There are no rules on how we use toys apart from we cannot be destructive and we cannot hurt ourselves or others with them. Otherwise be as imaginative as you possibly can. 

As we know that Monkey is clear on the different ways we use toys and tools, we have a lot of trust in him using tools, as long as we are there and have appropriately explained how to use it and the risks. He loves to help out in the kitchen with blitzing foods with a stick blender, he knows not to touch the blade, only the handle, he knows what buttons to push and to only handle it when we are there. He also knows the stick blender, while fun, is a tool and has rules around it. 

However, when it comes to his wooden blocks: they end up all over the house, built on stacked books or the couch or the floor – who knows what’s going to be the best surface that day? Sometimes they are towers as high as he can build them or long snaking ‘buildings’ where he tries to span the entire living room. Sometimes the zoo animals get involved or they work their way into a cubby house built with ‘big blocks’ (otherwise known as our couch cushions).

It is sometimes more of a clean up but I love to see him coming up with new ways of building I wouldn’t even consider. I know part of that is that he hasn’t been exposed as long as I have to society in general, schooling or workplaces where things often need to get done a certain way in a certain order. What we are trying to let him know is that there are spaces where we have to follow some rules but that there are so many more spaces where you can be creative. Eventually when he gets older, what I am really looking forward to, is helping him develop an appreciation for where these places meet. 

At not yet three years old, things have to be more black and white, his brain is not developed enough to see all the greys and be able to navigate them well. This will change, he will grow and with the basics of how to use a knife he will discover just how many different variations of food he can make. Having the skills to be able to be safe while also being creative in the food he decides to cook. 

While it is no longer Hubby’s profession, he has worked for quite a few years as a chef. He knows that for a good kitchen to work everyone has to understand their tools, their personal and others space and also cleanliness rules. Once all that is sorted the fun and creativity can begin with discussions of new food or drink pairings, trying out new recipes and perfecting old ones. 

The sentence “boundaries can be freeing” seems like such an oxymoron. When done with the intention of allowing for creativity in a safe or considered way, then it can be. Boundaries can be used as a way of enabling everyone to be on the same page and therefore ‘play’ better together. 

This can also be taken way too far and become controlling or very limiting. Sometimes this can be as easily done as not giving children the opportunity to play by themselves and explore their own version of the game. A tea party, for example, played with a parent who cannot or doesn’t want to imagine the tea party going any other direction, teaches a child these toys can only be played one way. Whereas the tea party pieces could be stacked, used to serve mud coffees, used in a bath, or even become a house for a magical unicorn only they can see. Children’s creativity is, generally, vastly superior than ours and they need the space and time to explore it, or it becomes limited.

This is a way that has worked well for us, what has worked for you? Let me know. As Monkey gets older this boundary should still work but I am expecting some pushback, if you have dealt with this already I would love more tips.